Boy You Turned Me
Neither the church of God or the church of Freud can help Joyce, or so her letdown of a husband thinks. Not that she tried any of both, but anyway, the visit he pays her for Fake Will’s funeral proves perfunctory as she throws him out as soon as he implies that talking to her son inside the living room wall or communicating with him through Christmas lights is all in her head. The jerk even takes those down, because it’s not Christmas. What kind of a shitty excuse is THAT? In a perfect, Democrat-ruled world, Christmas would be EVERYDAY, moron! But Dad is definitely a Republican, he’s only there for money as he sniffed an opportunity to sue for negligence the owners of the quarry where Fake Will was found. Well, good luck with the autopsy, buddy.
Even Winona couldn’t possibly have it all wrong, so her eldest son Jonathan believes her, and so does Sheriff Hopper. Now they are onboard the Joyce loony train, they follow their own strategic path. Jonathan recruits Nancy for a monster hunt (read: a SEARCH PARTY), prepared by a shooting training. Miracles of miracles, Nancy proves herself a sharp shooter. Well, that’s convenient. Hopper explores the Evil Lab, demonstrating that the secret government facility is even worse at security than at opening doors on the unknown, and finds the portal before he’s finally captured by hazmat goons. And returned into his couch in the privacy of his own home. Yep, that’s the way it goes in Monsterville, fake corpses and pretend alcohol-fueled naps. We learn in the proceedings that Sheriff Hopper might be “off his meds”. People, what’s wrong with ya’all?!
When he wakes up, Hopper re-enact Coppola’s The Conversation, destroying most of his home in order to find the one mike hidden in a lamp, then proceeds to ravage what’s left of Joyce’s house after her axe rampage, in order to find nothing. Meanwhile, Jonathan and Nancy find the time for bickering at each other in the best romcom tradition, until the point he conveniently vanishes, which allows Nancy to crawl inside a tree trunk in hot pursuit of a dead deer, and boom, here she is in Silent Hill, while Echo & The Bunnymen lugubriously sing “Nocturnal Me”. Fortunately the Monster’s territory is limited, because everybody seems keen on paying him a visit.
But a visit to where exactly? Well, we have a name at last for Silent Hill, folks, and it is… The Upside Down! After one entertained the mad prospect that the Monster was Donald Trump, would it be revealed as the second coming of Diana Ross? If that’s the case, they did a poor job at make-up, because the brief view we have of him doesn’t look at all like a disco queen. They kinda got the mouth right, though. Anyway, the Upside Down, much like Studio 54 around the early eighties, is a place of decay and death, which we see Eleven visiting courtesy of an isolation tank flashback scene lifted off Altered States, the Ken Russell joint featuring William Hurt on hallucinating drugs. And she doesn’t enjoy it AT ALL. Oh, and while she’s there the place looks a lot like the alien abduction place brilliantly depicted in Under The Skin, which one reviewed last month. Just saying.
Some conflict occurs between Eleven and the boys when she messes up with their (moral?) compasses. Boys being boys, they resent her for being a bleeder. Also, this week’s film poster is Evil Dead’s and is declared “in poor taste”. Where is Bruce Campbell when he’s needed so dearly?