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Are You A Character In A Slasher Movie?

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  1. You have never seen a slasher movie before.
  2. Your mother was a sadistic monster and so are you.
  3. You did something last summer that you wish you hadn’t.
  4. You are a girl so you can’t run for more than fifteen yards before falling flat on your face.
  5. You are black and you will die first.
  6. You are queer and you will die second.
  7. You are a promiscuous bimbo and you will die anyway.
  8. You are a promiscuous queer black bimbo and you are most likely the killer.
  9. Your son was born peculiar but he’s still more beautiful on the inside that any of those young punks from the town.
  10. You should know by now that hiding under the bed won’t do.
  11. If the landline rings it’s from inside the house. Do not bother about technicalities: it is.
  12. The owner of the derelict gas station will advice you not to go inside the woods.
  13. It’s either Friday the 13th, Valentine’s Day, Spring Break, Halloween or Prom Night.
  14. You wonder where Tom went.
  15. Your policy is exquisitely simple: kill, kill, kill, never die.
  16. You are a girl and that’s final.

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