Children Of The Corny
Kathy Bates’ command of 17th century English is nothing but impressive in this episode, in which is exposed what happened to the vanished Roanoke colony, or possibly what happened to the demons who were responsible for the colony’s vanishing. That point is rather moot. It seems that the colony relocated in North Carolina, land of plenty, abundant harvests being ensured by a demonic pact with the local spirits, especially the Witch of the Woods, played by Lady Gaga sporting a tiara of antlers, a rather tame fashion statement for her. As long as virgin blood will fertilise the soil, the colony will live long and prosper, even in death. Human sacrifices of another kind, involving the Piggy Men, apparently help, too, even though how the two relate to each other in that particular cosmogony remains a blur so far.
Lady Gaga’s command of the same dialect is far from being stellar, though. She kinda sounds Transylvanian, which fits her relatively Bathory behaviour but also feels rather weird for a vintage Dutch immigrant. Does immortality tamper with your speech? One is sure they will come up with an explanation for this. Anyway, the Witch has needs, “woman needs” and her lust is set on Cuba Gooding Jr, who conveniently forgets everything of his unholy cavorting with an evil pop star with bad dental hygiene.
The thing is shaping rather well, one thing. The Piggy Men are repulsed by the magical word “Croatoan”, except when they’re not. During six days preceding the Red Moon, see, spirits are not only allowed to roam the earth but also to kill, and this Ghost Golden Week is just starting with nefarious consequences. Even though gore is more suggested than splattered, this episode features a mass murder with a meat cleaver, a dismemberment and a disembowelment (“It’s one thing to know about disembowelment but to actually witness one is something else entirely”, states one character with sagacity=. Also, Denis O’Hare makes an all too brief appearance as the keeper of the haunted house who, rather like Donald Trump, forgot to pay his taxes one year, allowing our hero couple to acquire the property. Elias Cunningham, his character, knows where Flora is, gently playing in a clearing with Priscilla the ghost girl and a couple of Piggies. Unfortunately, rescuing the little girl ends in a debacle and a Saint Sebastian death.
A body count of twenty or so is enough to spend a pleasant 50′. The recurring theme of the series appears to be the unability for the spirits of the dead to leave the place where they have met their demise, as was the case from Season 1: House to Season 5: Hotel. The ghosts, in any case, seem to be as divided as their living counterparts; and we are anxious to know what will possibly happen to Crickett Marlowe after his undignified exit.
This is getting pretty juicy, see you soon for the next episode!